Minority Opinions

Not everyone can be mainstream, after all.

So this is middle age

leave a comment »

I’ve never really thought about what being an adult should be like.  It just sort of happened, somewhere around graduating college, getting married, and being hired full-time.  Perhaps due to my quiet nature, nothing really seemed to change.  Even the way people treat me has been fairly constant; then again, I’ve frequently been seen as more mature than I really was.  Today’s illness, though, strikes home just how different things have become since college.

Perhaps a year ago, an acquaintance pointed out that illnesses can frequently be traced to a lack of sleep.  This one almost certainly qualifies.  I couldn’t sleep on Friday night, so I stayed up reading until midnight.  Breakfast duty, though, gets me up at the usual time, so those two hours of lost sleep leave me groggy and slightly cranky all day.

That evening, we have visitors.  This is a group that has been meeting perhaps bi-monthly since before I met any of them, and each visit entails plenty of snacks.  Perhaps mistakenly, perhaps driven by that very lack of sleep, I partake liberally.  The party also means that I don’t get to bed any earlier that night.  Then again, we’re all getting older, and a few participants live a significant distance away, so I didn’t get any less sleep than usual, either.  Four years ago, it would have meant a second late night.

Leftover snacks replace some of our more healthy options on Sunday, though we at least manage a few good vegetables.  Unfortunately, it soon overwhelms the two­­-year-old’s digestive system, still recovering from a minor fever.  Every few hours we get to experience another nauseating stench.

Around lunchtime on Monday, I notice that my attention span isn’t up to par, my muscles are more sore than exercise would indicate, and the lump in my throat has gotten worse.  My dinner time, it’s confirmed that I have a fever.

So today, I’m sitting around the house, barely reading, barely interacting, barely even playing.  A basement full of toys, three kids who want my time, and I’m just sort of sitting here most of the day.  Sure, I still made breakfast.  Certainly, I’ll take my turns changing the still-rank diaper.  Of course, I still supervised during stints as the only adult in the house.  But I should have been able to accomplish something, or at least have some sort of fun.

So here I am at the end of the day, after the kids are asleep, forcing myself to write, for reasons that I still haven’t written about.  It’s probably coherent, but I’m not even sure it expresses what I really wanted to say.  I have even less faith that it will be helpful to someone else.

Perhaps I would still have gotten sick even with a regular sleep schedule.  Perhaps I would have gotten sick even without the extra junk food.  It may have been inevitable, simply from living with children.  But that’s not what bothers me.

What bothers me is that I’m turning into the kind of parent I never wanted to be.


Written by eswald

27 Sep 2011 at 9:25 pm

Posted in Lifestyle

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s